whatthefuck

My unbearably good mood has kept me away from this site, which is a good thing because I use this site to get sadness out. We made it official today :) we have a song, we have a spot at school, I make fun of her, she makes fun of me... All of that makes me so happy it's untrue.

Note that I actually just used a "smiley" in one of my paragraphs, this reinforces my happiness

Why would you be pissed off because I didn't rush to my phone to call you the minute we got together?
When I heard about that, I thought it was some joke because I've scarcely heard of anything that selfish in my life.

Why haven't you updated me about YOUR life?!

I don't have to tell you what I do with my life, it was 6 and a half fucking months ago. You didn't want to be with me, that's fine with me, but don't get pissed off with me when I don't tell you that I'm getting with someone over half a year later!

You can give me as many short, fake-problem-resolving answers as you like. I'm just not even going to try now, you don't want me in your life, I'm not going to question that. I already thought that's how you felt, so you see how I feel when you pop back in to have a go at me for not telling you about the first person that has made me happy since you!

So slate me to everyone you see, make the world hate me for not informing you about my daily life, but in another half a year when I eat something for breakfast that you don't agree with, I'm confident my real friends won't leave my side. Just like you left mine today, or last week, or 6 months ago, whenever it was you became what you showed me today.




Jen-Jen-Jen.... sorry, it cheers me up typing that.

I think I....

I think I found her :)

Get the Fuck out

Get outGet outGet out
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Get outGet outGet outGet outGet outGet out
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Get outGet outGet outGet out

please get out of my head...

As you walk by

Every time you walk by
I get that feeling you get before a cry
Like an unopened letter
from the one you love
already knowing it tells the end

all I know is when,
when we'll be apart
I sat there alone
gliding to my fate

These untold silences and killer stares
Make a lion of you and a mouse of me
These corridor passings and dangerous glares
Make a lion of you and a mouse of me

This time won't be like the last time
I won't fall again, I won't let you invade
Your armies all gathered by my dreams
the anchor drops the flag is burned and

all I know is when
when we'll be together
I sit here with friends
moving from the mist


These untold silences and killer stares
Make a lion of you and a mouse of me
These corridor passings and dangerous glares
Make a lion of you and a mouse of me

you and me,
him and her,
here and there,
then and now,

you and me,
him and her,
here and there,
then and now,

you and me,
him and her,
here and there,
then and now,

Have you ever wondered?
Have you ever thought?
Have you ever even considered!... the thought of lost love?!

I have had to live with this unbearable burden, I have stood by the fact that things happen for a reason and I have kept my chin up and trusted the ones close to me to keep me sane. But now, now I don't know who to trust,

YOU BETRAYED ME!

I thought you cared about me, you always had the girls, the friends, the fun. But this time I had a chance, I asked you to help me and look what you did, look at how you made me look a fool. I loved her and you stole her away. You were always the one I trusted, I never would have assumed for a second that you would do this to me, now

thanks to you

I have nothing, absolutely nothing, I feel like the only last chance I had at life has gone, and now I don't even have you to help me through the pain. You've left me and taken away my dreams.

Why live if you can't dream?

Why live if you can't love?

I won't have to worry about Dreams or Love, you can't do them when you're dead.



^^^^^^^

My monologue I wrote for Danny's death scene in my devised drama piece. He is losing his mind after his best friend stole the one he loved. He has HIV and this girl was the only time he felt alive, he hadn't left his room for 3 years before he saw them together. Now he feels more trapped than he ever had done.

He will go onto stop taking his medication and die.

tired,closure/want it?

Ugh?

That's what my brain is thinking in answer to anyone.

I've never been this tired.

I've had probably 6 hours max sleep since waking up at 7am for school on Friday. That's unhealthy. I mean usually I get 5 hours of sleep a night but, this is pushing my sleeping habits to the limits! On Friday I set off to the "NCO Selection and Tactical Weekend". So we knew we'd be sleeping outside in Bashers. These are 2 pieces of tarpaulin one goes on the floor, you lie on it, then one goes on top of you. Ritz much?

So first night I was in a Basher with Robby, on some grim muddy path. I got like 3 hours of sleep, but it was very much "pepper-potted" sleep. I'd sleep for half an hour and then wake up for half an hour and so on. It was truly splendid. After waking up and eating we got into a classroom and had a truly enlightening lesson about Section Battle Drills. After an hour or so of lesson time we got out onto the field and got practising them, so that later on in the day when we were to do them in pitch black we would be spot on.

Hours later a magazine was thrust at us and we had to pack 20 Blank rounds into it. That was it pretty much, off we went into the dark, with Grace acting as our headlights as Platoon Commander.

I was Scout for our section and so I was to walk a few paces in front of our IC, Nick. Me and him got contacted really early and so I got down and starting firing, he dropped down, about a foot behind me, lifted up his rifle which the end of was about 2 inches from my ear and fired. My hat was literally spun around backwards on my head and I couldn't hear a thing. After a shell shocked few seconds I got up and shook my head but the ringing in my right ear didn't(still hasn't) stop.

It still hasn't I'm slowly getting worried, because I can't hear properly out of it and I don't know but I just guess that I quite and liked the idea of living life with the proper use of my right ear.

Anyway, that is the reason I'm so tired, and

A very close friend asked me if I still liked you. I don't mind this question as long as it's from someone I'm close to. I asked them if they knew what Closure was, because I don't. At first the idea of closure seemed stunning. "Find a reason to let yourself get over someone and cut off all lasting ties" is the answer I was given.

I was all for it, yet the first major flaw here is "find a reason". Meaning, I assume, that I have to find something to pass the blame from me and you to. Lets give "natural causes" a go. Ha, simple enough said. I have stood, down right by the fact that it was all because of timing. My life couldn't have been any shittier at the time and so I blamed that. Yet, looking back I remember the time we spent together and I just know it's my fault.

I know that I could have been myself if I just concentrated.

I was so immersed in thinking about what had happened to me prior to you that I ruined my chances. I burned that lovely white stack on the monopoly board.

I didn't answer for a while and they just asked me

"Do you want Closure"

No, I don't think I do. Agreeing to the terms of this so called Closure would mean that it wasn't my fault. It was,

It was It was It was It was It was It was

Kitty-cat

My cat just told me to tell you I love you.